Did You Know?

             “Take me to the moon young man.  I’m looking forward to going back, it’s been so long.  Have you ever been to the moon?  Of course you have.  You wouldn’t be driving a taxi if you hadn’t been there before.  It’s been years, maybe even decades since I set foot on the moon.  I haven’t been since all the tourists started showing up.  Only cost people a few quill, next thing you know the place is swarming with lawn chairs and oxygen tanks.  Can’t even go to the beaches without tripping over sand castles.  They use the craters as garbage bins!  Can you believe it?  Garbage Bins! The beautiful surface of the moon looks like spring break. 
                “Did you know the inhabitants of the moon don’t even go topside anymore.  The moon is hollow you know, nothing but a shell.  The lifers live inside the moon.  They live quite content with their monkeys underground.  It’s like a subterranean ant farm only a lot more sophisticated but outsiders are not allowed to go there.  I am warning you.  They will kill you if you try to wander in some place you aren’t welcome.  I hear they are all twins.  Every family has like three sets of twins so everyone looks like everyone else.  I have a hard enough time with faces so I can only imagine.  Some people think they look just like humans but I’ve heard their skin is white.  Not just, I’ve been out of the sun too long, or redhead ‘the sun is my enemy’ white but really white.  Like when you used to open your box of crayons and look at white and think, that is really, really white.  Tourists look out for the albino looking moon dwellers but there has never been a confirmed sighting of them.  Being abandandoned, they had hoped would deter people from staying there as there isn’t much to do on the outside.  But it takes too long to go to Mercury and Venus is just too damn hot, so the Moon is a good vacation spot even if it’s a little low on the action scene.  
                “I know what you’re thinking.  If the surface is abandoned, then why did I go there?  Many different reasons actually.  The moon stone is a multi purpose consistency that is used for my company for everything from cement base to powdered drink.  It’s actually quite tasty with a little hint of honey and hazlenut.  The powdered drink not the cement, but you knew that.  Did you know there was a push about twenty years ago to snatch up property on the moon for a realty war.  As it turned out, people like breathing too much to stay there permanently.  Things break down over time, and you can do without electricity and water if you have to.  Your oxygen tank needs maintenance and it’s time for a new owner.  I didn’t only go there for business reasons only.  Sometimes I went on vacation or to enjoy myself. 
                 “I remember this one time I went to the moon.  I was doing my training for Rocketball and the Moon’s orbit is one of the best and safest places to practice.  So there I was with my colleague, Cliff, and we were practicing shuffle passes and zip-alongs, getting them down to a tee.  When wouldn’t you know it, my tank got hit.  I felt the pressure which was good because I couldn’t hear anything…vaccuum and all.  I was at least twenty paces from our cruiser.  I started sprinting to it though running on the moon is a lot like trying to walk underwater.  You fight and fight only to realize that you’ve only moved a few feet which is ironic cuz I was waving my arms like I was practicing a new stroke.  I made it to the ship eventually, obviously since I’m here.  The whole time it was happening, my life wasn’t flashing before my eyes like I thought it might when it was finally my time to go.  It just made me think about all those movies about people that just hold their breath out in the vastness of space.  Just hold your breath long enough and you’ll be ok.  It’s more than just the lack of oxygen, it’s the pressure.  The locals know that and make fun of the people who don’t.  The tourists visit and suddenly think they know everything.   
                 “Did you know there’s no real Dark Side of the moon?  Back on Earth you look at the Moon and it’s always facing the same direction so it looks like the one side is dark all the time when it really isn’t.  It’s an optical illusion.  This little fun fact was a real shocker to one of the vampire clans.  They thought, Dark Side of the Moon, they should be set.  They can spend their evenings eating tourists and never have to worry about those pesky uv rays.  Wouldn’t you know it, they went and crispy critters.  Sad really.  Some people think it’s a made up hoax, but I believe every word. 
                “Why are we stopping. What are we here already?  How much do I owe you?”
                “Nothing, just get out!”