The Chicago Cubs: Are you kidding me?

Take me to the moon!

Did you hear me! Hit the gas we need to go now!

Phew that was close!

Take a good look at that Earth my friend because it’s the last you’ll ever see of it.

Why? Haven’t you heard the news? It’s the apocalypse. Yup, world’s coming to end, I hope at least the moon will stay untouched by this madness.

What’s happening? 367 years of bottled up rage, fear, sadness, anger, and every other strong emotion has been released upon this earth. Today, the Chicago Cubs, yes I said the Chicago Cubs have won the World Series.

What do you mean who are the Cubs? Do you spend your entire life in this Taxi? My God at least turn on the radio once and while. Ah well, you seem like a decent enough guy, so I guess I could explain it to you, might even make this damn trip a little faster.

It all started 367 years ago when one baseball team in the second city was trying to win a championship for their fans. They were doing pretty good until a bartender decided to attend the game. He owned a Billy Goat and bought a ticket for himself and the goat. When the stadium wouldn’t let the goat in he cursed the team to never winning a world series ever again.

Three hundred and sixty six World Series have passed, all without the Cubs even in them. Today however, the apocalypse has come. The curse was broken and the Cubs have won the World Series to unleash hell on this Earth.

What’s so bad about a baseball game? What’s so bad? Are you insane? These are the Chicago Cubs we are talking about! We aren’t just talking riots, we are talking world-wide appocalypse. Everything is catching fire, cars overturned,  and its only the beginning! Sure it starts with your basic riots but soon the entire city swarms into a mob destroying everything in their path, their minds can’t take it man! They will not stop until the world is engulfed in flames!

Oh no! It’s starting to rain! This rain will turn to hail, and the hail to fiery baseballs! It doesn’t stop there! The World will be drowned in this madness! Once the world is ablaze it will begin to fall apart: earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes, you name it! Monstrosities like cockroaches the size of buses and monkeys with mind powers. These horrors are bound never to go away! They said only in hell could the Cubs win the Series, well, Hell has come to Earth! Nothing will survive the destruction unleashed by one team that dared fight the forces that be, and win a baseball game.

At least there won’t be any baseball on the moon. A man needs to feel safe. And if I were you I wouldn’t go back there, who knows what kind of freaks of nature will survive this chaos. Here turn on the radio, you’ll hear what I am talking about.

Welcome back to ESPN’s coverage of the World Series. It really is unbelievable folks.

See, see, this is what I’ve been telling you about, just listen.

The Chicago Cubs, one out away from winning the World Series, have choked away a 69 point lead to lose. This surely will go down in the record books as the largest blown leader ever. It sure seems like the Cubs will never win the World Series.

Huh. I guess the world’s going to be ok.

“You probably could use a vacation anyway”